I’ve collected the car from a local mechanic, and had a long chat with him about it. It’s good to meet someone genuinely interested and willing to help. We went for a drive so he could have a better listen, and he, like me, is 99% sure the grumbling noise is the rear right wheel bearing. No one is willing to lay money on it yet though!

I’ll sent an email to BMW to get the parts priced up, and we reckon on a couple of hours labour for the job. I’ll wait for a final figure and then consider how long I’m willing to leave it grumbling!

I’ve been pestered for an up to date photograph of the car – so here’s one!

Things are looking up today. I get up at 7:15 and manage to go to BMW to pick up the seat cable, and get across to West End Tyres to have a new Bridgestone Potenza fitted to the M3′s spare, and get to work early. Brilliant. Also, on the way into work I manage to locate a mobile mechanic who says he’ll look at the rumbling noise tomorrow. Good good good!

In the evening I jack the right side of the car up, put the new tyre on the front, move the front to the rear, and put the damaged rim back in the boot as the spare. I like to put fresh tyres on the front as that’s where I want the most grip.

About 40 minutes sees the seat cable installed and the seat rebuilt and folding as it should. I remove the TomTom and stereo face et cetera in preparation for the car going to the mechanic in the morning. The list of issues is shortening now, just the rumbling noise, the central locking, the intensive wash, and perhaps the reluctance to start to investigate, but the car has been starting much better since I changed the plugs and fuel filter.

Ian Haynes has kindly provided some troubleshooting documentation for the central locking. Sadly it seems to fail at every hurdle, and so suggests either a rogered control unit, or some shorts in the leads. Today is windier and generally less pleasant than yesterday, so I clean up the door to A-pillar connectors and when that doesn’t help I give up, pulling the fuse on the central locking. At least this way I know where I stand and it won’t lock my passengers out or prevent me from putting in any fuel. The shared fuse does prevent the interior lights from coming on when the door opens though, so it’s a bit of a reterograde step as it makes the car feel a bit less friendly.

I clean the interior of both cars, and investigate why the driver’s seat won’t hinge forward. An internal seat cable has snapped, and someone has tried to bodge it together – quite why is beyond me as the part is only about three quid. Something for the shopping list then.

I’ve got a large pile of bits from BMW: coolant cap, coolant, door lock rebuild kit, some plastic fixers and four spark plugs. I’ve also ordered a Bridgestone Potenza for the spare wheel.

The plugs are easily changed, and the plastic fixers see the bonnet sound insulation and headlamp backing covers re-attached as the factory intended.

The M3 starts better, and I move it out and give both cars a well deserved wash. I pause for lunch, and then set about rebuilding the driver’s door lock. This process takes a while but it’s interesting to see exactly how the locks work, and well worth the bother to prevent another key being required. Re-assembling the door lock isn’t easy, but I get it into a position where the door at least locks reliably, although the deadlock won’t engage and the central locking still isn’t interested.

Finally I drain the coolant, flush the radiator, refill with the engine running (got heating, no bleeding required, woohoo!) and replace the coolant cap. Most satisfying.

To round the day off Diane and I pop out to collect a chinese take away. Upon returning to the car the central locking won’t open her door, and I can’t with the key, or from the inside, which suggests the deadlock inhibitor has engaged. Luckily when I re-lock and unlock my door the central locking fires properly granting Diane access, so I resolve to investigate further tomorrow.

My usual Thursday evening football antics have been cancelled tonight because the all weather pitch is frozen. I hope you can all see the irony there. Anyway, I’m back in the freezing cold garage, but my spark plug tools have arrived. However, I’m outraged to find that the 12mm socket doesn’t quite fit down the access shaft. That’s incredible – the correct tool must have an incredibly narrow socket.

I’m a bit peeved by this, so as a last resort I elect to travel to St. Johns (only about a mile away) and knock on the door of a man I’d found on the internet who also owns an E30 M3 and a 330d. Surely a being who has made such a wise car selection could only be willing to help? There’s only one way to find out…

I knew his name was Craig, and fortunately he answers the door and answers to said name. He also recalls our brief on-forum conversation for a couple of weeks back. I look like a right urchin in my filthy garage clothes, but Craig takes me seriously, and says I’m more than welcome to borrow his spark plug tool, but it’s in the car which is at his mother’s house. Another similarity! We trundle there and back in my derv-burner and I’m stunned by the fantastic condition of his sport evo. He mentions he has a spare set of 16″ wheels he’s looking to sell and my wallet has a heart attack. It’s only a matter of time, especially as my spare has a bit of damage.

Armed with Craig’s spark plug tool I get back in the garage and pull the plugs. With the correct weaponary it’s so easy. The plugs indicate that the engine has been running a bit rich:

I also note with rage that the new spark plugs that ECP have given me are wrong. These are the second set of wrong plugs. Tossers. I’ll be off to BMW at the weekend them – hopefully they can get it right!

Determined to achieve something today I turn to the fuel filter. I assume this is at the rear of the car, and so go through the painful process of getting the rear of the car on axle stands in a narrow garage in the freezing cold. This done, I get under there, trace everything, and find it’s actually at the bottom of the engine bay. I start to change it from the top, and then have to get underneath, where because of the angle of the car I have about half an inch between my eyeball and the gearbox, but after much swearing that job at least is successfully done. Good!

While the car is in the air I swap the spare with the damaged wheel. The damaged wheel is perfectly serviceable and has better tread, so I’ll run that for a bit and sling the worn Uniroyal’d wheel in the 330d boot – I’ll get another Potenza on that when I can.

I’ve just managed to fit that windscreen wash junction box that Ian gave me last week. Quite a fiddly job, but it has had the desired result so I’m pleased.

However, I went to lock the car and the key swung around in the lock without the lock engaging. So now the driver’s dock in permanently unlocked. Hmmm.

Having been dragged away for the weekend I’m once again spending a work day evening on the car, this time concentrating on the starting issue. I’ve replaced the air filter (ECP kindly gave me the right one this time) and have taken the distributor cap off and given all the points a good clean. This hasn’t helped, but I am glad I’ve done it anyway – good peace of mind.

I’ve tried to change the spark plugs but I note that the car’s spark plug tool is clearly for a different car. I’ve been to Halfords in an attempt to buy another one but they’ve got nothing suitable. The access hole is deep and narrow, and the plugs require a 12mm spark socket (which is actually an 18mm nut – I guess the 12mm figure is the diameter of the thread). I’ve mail ordered a suitable socket and a locking 450mm 3/8 wrench extension bar.

I managed to pick up a coolant temperature sensor from BMW today, and have just installed it. No, it hasn’t helped the starting problem. I’ve also collected a set of spark plugs, an air filter and a fuel filter from ECP. They’re all wrong, so I’ll take them back tomorrow…

Tonight is Cowfold BMW Curry meet night. I also have to drive to London to collect some stuff – so the M3 is the chosen chariot. It manages the London traffic well, the S14 getting less grumpy than the S50s with the clutch pumping action.

In Cowfold we have our curry, and afterwards retire to the car park to inspect our fleet. Ian produces a head torch from his pocket and investigates the screen wash situation. Then a multimeter is produced, and some screwdrivers. This is getting a bit much, the man is a walking tool kit. Eventually he announces something I already knew: that the wiring down there is a complete mess. We do however agree to spend a day sorting it in the future. He then whips the bonnet noise shield off and looks into the passenger side spray pod not working. He points to a junction valve and says “I bet that’s failed. You’ll need to get it out of the bonnet and replace it… with this” pulling a replacement part from another pocket. He’d had that part with him all evening! Not only is he a walking tool kit, he’s also a walking parts bin!

Ian notes that the coolant cap needs replacing as it is wheezing a bit with the engine off, and then aligns the lights a bit better as the remote adjustment has failed, as is apparently inevitable. I’m also told it can’t really be repaired, so I don’t need to add that to the mental list.

Finally we go for a bit of a drive in an attempt to diagnose the rumbling from the rear. Ian agrees that it could well be the wheel bearing, but we still can’t say for sure. Ian does recommend replacing the ECU’s coolant temperature sensor in an attempt to cure the starting problem.

In the lit garage, out of the wind I stick the radio on and attempt to diagnose the lack of windscreen wash action. The level of buggery that’s taken place is quite extraordinary. Eventually I get tired and just try some trial and error with the mass of connectors, and I manage to land in a position where operating either the main or intense wash controls from inside the car cause the main wash to fire. This is good, but it only seems to squirt on the driver’s side of the screen. There’s certainly some flow from the passenger side pod, but not enough to reach the screen, and no amount of unblocking seems to improve matters. Still, it’s drivable.