I get up early to have another search for the source of the rumbling noise in the daylight. I don’t find anything definite, but there is a fair bit of evidence. Firstly I note that of the four tyres on the ground, all but the rear right are fairly new Bridgestone Potenzas. The rear right is an old, worn Uniroyal. I inspect the spare – it’s a nearly new Bridgestone Potenza – with sizable chunk missing from the rim protector and the wheel has taken a bashing. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes, looks like someone has had a bit of a ‘moment’.

Why would they have changed the wheel over? The tyre and wheel are still perfectly servicable in my opinion. I wonder if the noise started just after that incident and the wheel was swapped in case it was the source of the noise? Perhaps it was Chris who had this frightening incident and this is why the car was used so little? Who knows?!

Diane and I decide to head down to Dorset for a drive, a walk, and a meal. We could take the 330d…. no, I didn’t think so either. This is Di’s first proper journey in the M3, and she quite likes it, especially the heated seat. She also reminds me that I’m straying right a bit every now and then – I can tell I’m going to have to work on this driving position.

Again the motorway run is a little tedious but not unpleasant. However, on the twisting A roads the car is an absolute joy to behold, and I realise the car is really quite quick when stirred up properly. That’s a bonus you see – having had 300+ horsepower E36 M3s I wasn’t expecting this 200 bhp M3 to be as quick as it is.

Today I’ve really noticed that the car is reluctant to start. I don’t get the impression that it’ll let me down, but it is embarrassing to be turning over an old car for 5 or so seconds.

Diane, the car and I have a great day out. Blasting around the sunny Dorset back roads with the sunroof open is a huge pleasure, and it bodes well for outings to come. On the way home on a single carrageway road that’s regularly punctuated by roundabouts, there’s an E36 behind that’s keeping up with me fairly well around roundabouts. I note it certainly can’t corner as quick as me, and I think I’ve got the edge on the straights too so long as I really get the S14 revving. Once the road becomes a dual carrageway I stop accelerating at cruising speed and the E36 goes past – turns out it’s a 328i touring. He winks his indicators as a goodbye gesture and I flash the front fogs in return.

Ben Smith meets us at my house. First things first the Blaupunkt is removed from the 106R and we install Diane’s new unit in its place. The Blaupunkt goes in the M3, filling the gaping hole in the dash. Pleasingly it goes straight in – genuine plug and play. Then off to visit Robin who quickly cleans up the electric windows switches and replaces the light switch illumination bulb.

I’d bought some clear side repeaters to replace the orange items currently on the car. Some internet research showed that while standard E30s have big blocky side repeaters, the UK models have the later, smaller repeaters from the early E36es, so I’d bought some smoked E36 items to fit. However, it turns out that the early European M3s didn’t come with side repeaters at all, and some kind soul had carved giant holes from the wings to fit standard E30 items. So not only could I not fit the repeaters I’ve bought, but I also have to add sorting the front wings to the long term project list.

Still, we cracked on and a visit to Halfords later got us a pair of Bosch spoilered wipers, 8 litres of Castrol Magnatec 10W40 (£25 a four litre bottle) and the all important air freshener. Ben had got me a filter from BMW yesterday, so we settled down to change the oil in both the M3 and the 328i.

I’m really pleased to note that I don’t need to twat around removing belly panels to change the oil. I’m a bit disappointed that the oil filter Ben got from BMW didn’t come with the sump washer like the E36 one did. I also note that the drain plug doesn’t have a sump washer. Surely it should?! A quick check of the ETK confirms that it should, and in fact it’s the same part as nearly every other BMW in existance. I therefore take Ben’s old one, which we know has only been used once as we fitted it from new.

I put in one four litre bottle of fresh oil and note that the level is just a touch over maximum – I was expecting to have to put in more. I then consider what I’ve done and realise that had I jacked the car from the other side, more oil may have drained. Still, the majority of it is changed, and I plan on issuing services reguarly, so I reset the service indicator.

I then turn my attention to the smeary wipers. The old ones go in the bin, then I wash, dry and wax all the car’s glass. The new Bosch wipers snap on pleasingly, and the results are fantastic: the water beads of well and the wipers leave a super dry sweep. The all important spice scented magic tree is installed!

The wash wipe mechanism doesn’t work properly – in as much as it wipes but doesn’t wash. Inspection of the fuse and pumps reveals that someone has made a right mess of things down there. The headlamp wash mechanism has been removed – badly. A few calls to Ian suggests that it’s not something to attempt in the dark so we give up for the day and grab a pizza.

Later that evening it’s drizzling nicely so Robin and I venture out for a bit of a play. The results are most pleasing! However, the rumbling from the bearing (or whatever) is quite noticeable, so we return to his house to check the obvious. Wheel bolts are all on tight, there’s no bearing movement with the wheels up and the diff seals look dry. Oh well, we looked!

Cor! Chris has just finished washing the car as Diane and I arrive. It’s the first time I’ve seen it in daylight. Diane says it looks smart – good!

We jump in the 330d and trundle into Winchester to get the banking done. Remarkably Natwest have behaved impeccably, and all goes well. Having returned to Chris’ I set about making myself comfortable, temporarily mounting the Tom Tom, and fitting the road tax. There’s a third of a tank still in the car which is nice.

The car comes with a spare bonnet, as the previous owner (prior to Chris) allowed the front hinged bonnet to blow shut in the wind while the oil filler cap was on the top of the engine, so the inside of the car’s bonnet dented, which shows in a small dimple on the outside. Fitting the bonnet in the back of the 330d takes quite a while, but eventually we manage it with the boot shut and a corner poking from the nearside rear window. It’s cold and raining, so I instruct Diane to keep the heating on!

We thank Chris and I lead home. I don’t get far before pulling over to attempt to shut the driver’s window – the switch seems very gammy. Eventually we manage it and we’re off again. The journey home on the motorway isn’t naturally very pleasant: the exhaust is noisy and there’s no stereo, but the seats are comfortable and I confirm that the driver’s heated seat works. Interestingly, when the car is doing 4,000rpm in fifth it’s indicating just over 80mph – which the TomTom confirms is actually 70mph…

I’ve sorted insurance and got road tax. I only bought six months, I don’t want a tax disc expiring in December so it always carries last year’s colour and looks old, and also I don’t want to have to buy car tax at Christmas time. Chris has called Natwest Winchester and checked their opening hours on a Saturday, and I’ve since called them and they say they’ll have all the paperwork ready to make it a quick and easy process. We’ll see!

It struck me I really wanted my old Blaupunkt DAB MMC car stereo back from Diane. It’ll really suit the M3 interior and it’s just the best stereo I’ve ever had. Given that Diane could really use a car stereo with a direct iPod connection, and I’ll need to buy a new one for the M3 anyway, we agree I’ll buy her a nice new stereo and have the Blaupunkt back. Good. I’ve still got the Tom Tom Go in the cupboard that went out of service when I got the 330d with sat nav, so that’s organised too.

Now then. Saturday can’t come soon enough!

It may be dark, but the car still looks pretty fine. The shape is classic, and the car presides over the garage with authority. Despite it being nearly 18 years old, the car still has an air of exclusivity and dare I say it, expense.

Still, I ignore that and get inside to have a look around. It feels a bit unloved: interior lights don’t work, there’s a gaping wiry mess where the stereo should be, and it smells a bit. Still, the steering wheel, pedals and seats look pretty fly for a car in its late teens, and the trip computer has its buttons marked in German which I feel lends the car a great air of authenticity!

Chris offers to try to start it for a drive, but I explain that I would like to have a much better look around the bodywork with a torch and a friend on the phone. Chris agrees, and I call Ian. I’m on the phone to Ian for a long time, during which I get my work clothes properly filthy wriggling around on the floor inspecting the underside of the car. There are a few minor bits of rust – I’d expect double the asking price if there weren’t – but nothing major, although I can’t see properly under the side skirts, so I bet there’s some there.

We connect up the jump leads and after a few seconds of cranking, the car fires to life. Chris explains that while he’s had the car since the summer it has been declared SORN for most of the time. Chris turns out to be quite interesting: he has owned a GT40 replica and a Megabusa Caterham, and considers the E30 M3 to be a relatively sensible car. The 06 plate Vectra that’s on the driveway explains the M3′s lack of use.

So is this a good deal? The car has done about 90,000 miles. It hasn’t been serviced for two years, but then again it’s only done about 7,000 miles in that time. I inspect the receipts – a major engine rebuild including a piston about 3 years ago: £3,500!! Glad that’s been and gone…

Chris is about to take me for a drive, when we realise the passenger door won’t open. Equally, the driver’s seat won’t fold forwards. This car is unloved. Still, he never claimed that everything worked. I clamber across the control set and off we go. The important features such as engine, gears, lights, heating and wipers work, although I note the wipers make a bit of a mess of the screen. I check the electric windows, sunroof and my heated seat – they all work. Good. I do however note a quiet rumble from the back – no doubt a bearing of some sort.

Chris stops and we swap over (an ungraceful process without the ability to open the passenger door). I guide it back carefully taking in the left hand drive position and the dogleg gearbox. All seems fine. I’m pleased with the amount of low down torque available; it’s not great by any means, but it’s better than I was expecting.

Upon our return I inspect all the paperwork. The service history isn’t brilliant especially as the car lived in Germany until 2000, but the most important things are that engine rebuild and the MOT certificate. I ask if he’s had any interest. He says I was one of four people to call today (he would say that) but he chose to call me back first as I sounded the safest bet. He didn’t have to say that. I pressed further, suggesting that his other voicemails were along the lines of ‘Oi maaate sell us yer car innit’. He laughs and nods.

I stare at the car for a long time. I’ve got a mental list of issues: bearing, stereo, central locking, driver’s seat folding mechanism, rust around the number plate lights. Nothing major. I wouldn’t pay any more than the asking price for it though, especially with the issues I’ve found and the likelihood of more issues with such an old car.

Disasters aside, this car would be cheaper to run and insure than an E36 M3. Ian has offered to come and see it, but I know that so competitively priced, this car is likely to sell if I don’t move fast. The words “you only live once” rattle through my head, closely followed by “and you might die in that”. I smile to myself, and play the game.

…

Holy shit, I’ve just spent all my savings on an old knacker. Mustn’t dwell on it, so I carry on, we agree a £50 deposit, and that we’ll go together to Natwest Winchester on Saturday and obtain a banker’s draft for the balance. He even agreed to give me the MOT and V5 so I could sort out car tax which was good.

I fire up the 330d and head for home. It feels so different, and given how tired I am at this point, it’s a dream of a drive after the noise and effort of driving the M3. I hope I won’t regret this…

Having spent the evening yet again studying E36 M3s for sale on the internet, a chap called Chris Kelly has just rudely interrupted my dreaming by returning my call from this morning. What? Who? Holy crap – this is the guy selling the E30 M3. Seems like a nice enough chap, more than willing to talk about the car and is extremely keen for me to come to see it, which of course is suddenly my prime reason for existence on this planet. The car is in his powered and lit garage near Winchester, and we agree I’ll head straight down.

I try to locate Ian Haynes for his rust spotting laser vision, but it is a bit late and with zero notice, I’m not surprised I can’t get hold of him. Still, I’m damned if that’ll stop me from seeing it tonight.

Chris calls back. Hmm, I wonder what he wants. “I’ve just tried to start it and the battery is flat. I don’t suppose you’ve got some jump leads?” Is this a good sign (car in storage) or a bad sign (knackered battery / alternator / generally unloved?). Who knows? “Yes I have, I’ll chuck them in the boot.”

Damn derv burner is low on fuel. This happens about once a lifetime and the bloody thing does it when I want to go to see an M3. I stop at Sainsburys to top up the diesel reserves and Ian returns my call. Quite reasonably he can’t get across to Winchester tonight, but he’s willing to come an inspect it by himself tomorrow if appropriate, and is willing to guide me by telephone in an hour or so when I’m with the car. Good.

I instruct the derv burner with Chris’ address and spin the Garrett turbo up. No Helga, 40 miles won’t take that long this evening…

I’d spent December pondering as to what car to buy. Having been carefully saving since early 2006 I had somewhere in the £4,500 region to spend on a car that would be dedicated to being a fun car – the 330d being more than adequate for everything else in life. E30 M3s were exactly what I was after, but it was looking increasingly likely that I’d have to settle for an E36 M3 saloon as prices for those started at £4,000 for a shoddy early example rising to £6,500 for a nice smart evolution. Just before Christmas I remember reflecting one boozy evening that the cheapest E30 M3 in the country was over £7,000 and that it was looking like a lost cause.

The advantages of an E30 over an E36 are numerous. Firstly, I’ve owned three E36es, two of which have been M3 evolutions, and so a change would be nice. Secondly, the E30 is a more appropriate track car, as it’s nice and light which is good news for handling and performance, and also means that the train weight of the 330d, trailer and track car might just be legal. Most importantly though, they look cheaper to run – from consumables such as brakes to the optional catalysts through to the simplicity of fewer cylinders.

So this morning, I am excited to find a private message on BMW Car forum from a friend who names himself ‘Beemer_rag’, bringing my attention to a Pistonheads advert:

All looks quite promising. Heated seats and a sunroof! The two things I miss most in the 330d! Perhaps the most concerning thing about this advert is the price – there’s another very similar car on Pistonheads next to this advert up for £2,000 more. I’ve called, and left a message. We’ll see what happens.

As mentioned in my last report, I’ve spent most of the last month in India. I think I have now seen it all! Hilarious road antics aside though, the biggest shock was the stifling pollution in major cities. We petrol-heads may well feel aggrieved at the power-sapping properties of the catalytic converter, but I’d certainly take a few horsepower less to be able to breathe – it really does get that bad over there.

And that brings me back quite nicely to my smoky diesel car! Interestingly, I’ve not noticed much smoke of late, so maybe I was just being paranoid – we’ll see.

There’s not much of note to report this month. I’ve not spent a penny on the car, and only run just over a tank of diesel through it since I last typed a report, but I have had a few thoughts on the ownership experience that I’d like to share. In terms of running costs, this is (so far, touch wood!) the cheapest car I’ve ever had. It doesn’t ask for frequent or expensive parts, it sips fuel, and it’s sufficiently new that when I do have to work on it I can do it myself without battling rust or seized parts. However, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, so it has of course depreciated faster than anything I’ve ever owned, especially thanks to the E91 effect.

But worse than that, at long last, the lack of “M” ethos is starting to nag at me. Image means very little to me – it’ not the M badge I miss, but the driving dynamics of a car that’s designed to be a real performer. The 330d is in real world terms extremely rapid, but on the rare occasions where I find myself able to make good progress, I’m asking for 100% for substantial periods at a time, so it actually gets to the point where I feel sorry for the car, and I know it’s my limiting factor.

It’s a great car, but is it good enough? My wallet thinks so. My head thinks so too: just how often could I actually use a better machine? But my heart knows that as a motoring enthusiast, it is perhaps just too much of a compromise. I miss my E36 M3s – notably I miss their more communicative ride albeit at the expensive of a bit of grip, and most of all I really, really miss having an LSD.

A brief aside – despite Bob labelling it an “SE” in the title box of last month’s report the 330d is in fact a “Sport”. In the good ol’ days of the E30, and even the early E36, “Sport” meant your BMW was more than likely to have an LSD. I remain staunchly opposed to the opinion that DSC is in any way an acceptable replacement, or even an excuse for not fitting an LSD to a “sport” car. I can however see that the market dictates that it’s not necessary…

Even so, it is necessary for me to have one, because I’m not ready to drive a dull drab automatic saloon just yet. A year or so ago I was tearing sideways around various UK circuits and moaning about the performance of the M3 brakes on the Nürburgring; only a year later I’m very excited about my economy and was simply beside myself when I managed to get TMC working so I was told about a road closure in advance. What the hell has happened to me?!

The 330d must be here to stay though. I could not stomach the depreciation involved with moving it on so soon, and more importantly, it’s far too useful and capable a car to wave goodbye to. So I’m going to see what I can scrape together and look for a toy. It’s entirely likely that I’ll talk myself out of it before I can afford one, but looking for cars is good fun, and the idea of an E34 M5 to make Bob jealous, or an M3 saloon as a track-tool does appeal right now.

Now back down to earth and normality. Have I told you how many riveting litres of boot space the 330d has…?

Total Mileage: 93,748
Mileage since last report: 623
Cost this month: £nil
MPG this month: 39