Having suffered some criticism last weekend for daring to permit my topic to stray from cars, here’s a long overdue update on the M5. It has had relatively little use over winter – a notable exception being a trip to Wales for the Wyedean rally.

I actually forgot to blog about that. Fortunately, Brenden did so. Anyway, the M5 still had the Michelin Pilot Sports on the front that were fairly worn when I got it.

Legal, but tired, if you’ll forgive the pun. I therefore nipped out and got a pair of Good Year Eagle F1s – a quick £270 for 245/40R18s.

After a brief pit-stop at Vines BMW to pick up some bits for the tractor (more on that next weekend I imagine), I decided to pay to have the car cleaned.

With a new set of boots and a bath, the super saloon was once again restored to its former glory!

There were a couple of other niggles I resolved too. Firstly, as ever, it needed a dash of oil (E39 M5s use oil at a rate comparable to petrol it seems). Also, regular readers may recall I mentioned the windscreen washer jets were broken. I bought the replacements before Christmas, and this weekend I finally got around to fitting them!

In the above photo the old ones are on the left – note that one of the inputs is completely missing!

The new items were really easy to fit, and now they’re aligned I’m pleased to once again be able to say that everything works on my M5 – not bad for a 10 year old car with all the bells and whistles! Next weekend: tractor time. Until then, I shall admire my lovely new boots.

As this decade draws to a close I thought I’d reflect back on the motoring changes I’ve experienced. As we celebrated the new millennium I was the almost proud owner of a 1992 Ford Escort estate. With a lusty 1.4 litre engine it could barely pull the skin from a rice pudding, but it was mine and I could deploy that 75 horsepower to take me wherever I chose. As this period pre-dates my digital camera ownership, I only have this rather sorry excuse for a photograph:

What a beauty! I upgraded those 13 inch wheels to – wait for it – 14 inch wheels. With extra driving lamps I ranged across the country – I shared my first trip to the Lake District and even nipped across the border to Gretna in this machine. It had manual windows and mirrors, no central locking, no power steering – not even ABS. Looking back this was useful, as it provided an excellent bare bones introduction to motoring.

Yet this wasn’t the only Dagenham Destroyer in my fleet – hell no! I was also the extremely proud owner of a 1990 SWB Transit – used to cart around my sound and light gear.

A real rust wagon – powered by a 2.0 litre petrol engine that offered neither performance nor economy. Whether I was in the Escort or the Transit, I was always seen tearing around the streets with all the apparent vigour of a tortoise with gout.

Having had the Escort since acquiring my licence in 1996, during 2000 I began to look towards moving on. I was driving my dad’s car occasionally – a Vauxhall Vectra SRi (pictured here in 2005 at the Nordschleife entry gate – an episode I’ll cover later).

Suddenly I had all the modern luxuries – electric windows and mirrors, 15″ alloys, air conditioning, remote central locking – even traction control. Perhaps most importantly for me, its two litre engine developed 136 horsepower, with – compared to the Escort – very useful low down torque.

2000 was my first year of full time employment, so as 2001 arrived it was certainly time to stop borrowing the Vectra, and replace the Escort. Being 21, my needs weren’t very complicated: I needed to be faster than anyone else I knew, I wanted it to be reliable, and I had heard that rear wheel drive was A Good Thing. This ruled out the Peugeot 306 GTi6 I was considering, and the Audi A6 Quattro that wasn’t pure RWD, so I got myself one of these:

This car introduced me to a whole new world of motoring – both on-road and virtual. It absolutely ignited my passion for driving (and perhaps, oversteer) and also introduced me to car internet forums. The latter provided a double-edged sword – such forums attract all sorts – but one forum in particular led to some absolutely fantastic road trips around the UK. The first of these was a visit to the Lake District in early 2003.

While all this was going on my sound and light business had outgrown the little old transit, so I “upgraded” to a 1992 LWB 2.5 litre diesel effort. Look how beautiful it was!

Okay, so it was an eyesore. But it did offer significantly more load space and payload, and with power steering and a classic diesel chugger it was far more the freight machine I was looking for.

Still, back to the cars. With almost 200hp and over 200 lb/ft torque at my disposal, in the 328i I was fast, it was reliable, and RWD was good. After two years though it was time to move on, so in February 2003 I took the next natural step: it was time for an M3.

Still to this day this has been my favourite car. 321hp, 258 lb/ft of torque and a proper LSD. I didn’t care that the interior was a bit manky, and I liked the fact that it was a saloon and not a coupe. I used this car a lot. I shared my maiden voyage to the Nürburgring with this car, multiple trips to Cornwall, the Lakes and Wales, and had an epic tour of Scotland.

Sadly I was separated from this car by a local garage who rather carelessly wrote it off for me in March 2005. While the insurance wrangle was taking place I once again took ownership of the old family Vauxhall Vectra SRi. Of course, this was quite a step down, but as a utility wagon it was very useful. The transit had recently died, I had wound down my sound and light business, so it was a good one-stop interim solution.

There was however a complication. I had a trip to the Nürburgring already booked before the M3 was written off. I therefore had to take the Vectra – a grim prospect at the best of times – but significantly more so given that its gearbox was obviously broken. I therefore fitted a refurbished item and headed to Germany.

In convoy with an E36 M3, an E34 M5 and an E39 M5 the SRi was completely out of place – an utter embarrassment. However, it redeemed itself with some massive lift-off oversteer:

All jolly hilarious, until on the way home the car once again spat its gearbox. Having to come home from Bonn on a flat-bed transporter is horrible, and the entire trip was perhaps the low point of my motoring decade. The Vectra therefore finally left the family, and I was car-less.

By this time Diane and I were living together, so we got by using her Peugeot 106 Rallye. Despite being of French origin I feel this little car was certainly good enough to warrant more than a passing mention in this post. It was light, had over 100hp, and developed a good chunk of torque from its little 1.6 litre 8V unit. So despite being a touch unreliable and a FWD scrabbler, it was a lot of fun.

We had this car from 2004 to 2009, so it certainly made its mark on our motoring decade. So, back to March 2005 then when I was car-less. After much research, I concluded that for the money I’d received for the green M3 I simply couldn’t do any better, and so bought another M3!

Rather than the all-I-could-afford green saloon, this was perhaps my ideal E36 M3 Evo. Techno-violet with heated silver leather – this thing even had electric rear vent windows!

I had this car for a year, ensuring it took in all the usual Cornwall/Lakes/Curborough/Nürburgring trips, and even a camping holiday to La Rochelle. At the end of 2005, we once again – but briefly – became a three car family. Robin and I invested in a £50 Ford Sierra Ghia for our charity “Staples 2 Naples” rally trip.

The car was of course horrific, but everything worked, and it didn’t let us down at all despite thorough abuse all the way from Woking to Naples. We scrapped it in Rome and flew home; something I really regret.

By early 2006, despite the M3 Evo being a fantastic example, I felt it time to move on from the E36, so I traded it in for an E46 330d sport touring. This represented a significant step down in terms of performance and a shift away from motorsport in general. Yet the new car was a lovely place to be, extremely practical and pleasingly efficient.

In our first month together we went to the Lake District, to Birmingham, to Wales, to Scotland, and to the Nürburgring – some 5,000 miles! I chopped off the droopy tail pipe and sorted some nice straight tips, and changed the wheels to the more recent items (more recent above, originals below).

As we leave this decade, this is now our primary family car. We sold the 106R in 2009 when it became a little too unreliable, and frankly basic, for our liking. We’re now married, own a dog, and this is our car. I write this article from the Lake District – marking this car’s 4th visit there with me. However, this doesn’t end my motoring decade review – not by a long shot!

I realised that, much as I love my tractor (330d, above), it lacks a certain bit of motoring soul. I filled this in January 2007 with the purchase of a 1988 E30 M3!

With a screaming straight four and LSD I was back in the M-club, and what a party it was. I loved it so much I decided in July 2007 to upgrade to a 1990 E30 M3 Evo II.

I held onto this car for another year, during which it featured in two BMW Car Magazine articles and two trips to the Nürburgring.

In amongst all this I decided to take up a spot of rally navigating. Pictured here with driver/owner Simon Stevinson, I spent a few shifts in 2007 in the nav-seat of his E36 M3 Rally Compact.

It was a great little car, and Simon an extremely composed driver, who I can’t thank enough for being so patient with me while I learned the ropes. I had a massive amount of fun in that car – we had many battles, and I’ve even got a trophy or two as a result somewhere. It was fantastic having to deal with the elements, and at times fix the car, to get us through to the end of the day. I would have loved to have taken the next step to driving and car ownership, but I sagely (and perhaps boringly) concluded that I couldn’t afford to allocate funds in that way.

Ultimately though, when I became married in August 2008 I decided that both rallying, and E30 M3 ownership, and all the oil and rust which was involved, wasn’t really becoming of a husband. I therefore packed in the rallying and sold the M3. Immediately I realised that in doing so I had lost much of my identity, so 4 hours later I rushed out and bought a nice sensible family car:

That’s right, it’s a 2000 E39 M5 – 400 horsepower to you. This basically brings us up to date – we’re a two car family with a wonderful E46 330d sport touring and a V8 M5. The 330d is a great utility vehicle. I’ve modified it to play DVDs on the move to entertain my passengers, it has iPod integration, stealth sub and a built in inverter. It’s a fantastic, quick machine, boasting 200hp and 40mpg. We love it, and it is backed up by a super saloon sporting an astonishing blend of performance and comfort. While both cars have been around the block a few times (both just under 120,000 miles), they still scrub up nicely and provide everything we currently need on the road. Oh, with the exception of four wheel drive – that’s my prediction for the 2010s!

This sums up my review of the decade. Throughout these years I’ve documented a good deal of motoring action which has, in some parts at least, been well received. I’ve even landed a regular slot writing for BMW Car Magazine. I’ve had an absolute ball these ten years thanks to my cars and my motoring friends. I can’t thank those friends and family enough for their support of my crazy ventures, and as my last blog post of the decade I’d like to thank you all for reading, and wish you a very happy new year.

I need to take some photos of the cars for my BMW Car Magazine “longtermer” report which is due in today. I haven’t run the M5 for about 20 days now, and I’ve got a lot of decorating to be cracking on with, so I took the photos on the rather unglamourous surroundings of my driveway. I’ve decided to post them up here partially because it’s been a while since I’ve shown either of them, but also because it’s “cold, damn cold” this morning, and I thought Robin might like a little reminder of a classic British morning!

There are snow showers forecast for later today, and on this firm base it will lay, but those showers are also forecast to turn to rain.

On other matters I didn’t make a great deal of progress with the decorating yesterday, but I did bizarrely get the heating and upstairs toilet fixed. I would like to concentrate more on that task today, but Diane is out so I’ll be entertaining Snoop – an activity which isn’t compatible with a steamer!

Both Diane and I have kerbed our cars. Needless to say, Diane managed this in a rather mundane way, where I suffered a racing incident at full left lock. In both cases, remedial action was necessary. Tractor’s front left:

And the SS’s rear left – properly kerbed!

I started with the tractor wheel – gave it a good wash and a sanding.

At this point I realised that I needed to go the whole hog and remove the wheel to paint it.

Prepared and ready to go:

Two coats of Titan Silver and a coat of lacquer later, and things were looking much better. Big thanks to Tom Titler for supplying these paints (back in 2006!). While I’m mentioning people, I should also express my apologies to Julian Lockyear, who sold me these wheels in immaculate condition and good faith (that this would never happen to them).

While this was drying, it was time to turn my attention to the M5′s wheel.

I think these wheels are actually made black, and a silver finish is applied to the front. In the above picture, at about 11 o’clock the blackness appeared after I used a bit too much Autosol metal polish. The spray cans soon sorted that!

Both wheels drying on the garage floor:

Ready to put the tractor back together:

And there we go:

Finally, a close up of the M5′s wheel:

Not perfect by any means, but a substantial improvement. Clearly a better option would be to have them professionally refurbished, but that would be more expensive and then I’d be really afraid of further damage. I think the best solution would be not to kerb the wheels in the first place, but sadly this requires more co-ordination than in readily available in our household.

The M5 passed its MOT first time without advisories today. Woohoo! Etc.

The M5′s native navigation system is incredibly slow and ugly. All the graphics for the computer and radio functions look rather 90s.

I had acquired a widescreen unit for the front of the car, but this didn’t really improve the on-screen graphics, and the navigation was still so very slow.

The navigation computer is a MkII CD based device in the boot.

I acquired a MkIV DVD based system on eBay, so pulled the fuse for the nav system, hauled out the out unit. They are both the same physical size, but the new MkIV unit has an additional connection (see below in red).

It turns out that this is for the GPS aerial. In standard form the car has a “Trimble” GPS module to which the GPS aerial connects. This information then passes to the nav computer along the main wiring. The MkIV computer has its own on-board GPS module, so I needed to locate the Trimble unit, and move the GPS aerial connection. This connection can be seen in the centre of the photo below. I tried to highlight this in red, but perhaps a different colour would have made matters clearer!

This done, it was time to get the new computer in place.

I popped the nav system fuse back in, switched on the ignition and waited. Immediately I got the nice ~BMW~ logo on screen that I am familiar with in the 330d. Next the interface came to life looking significantly improved. The only issue seemed to be that the car thought it was somewhere up north.

The GPS service menu (accessed by going to ‘SET’, moving the cursor down, then holding down ‘MENU’ for about 6 seconds) told me that there was satelite inteference. I wasn’t sure what to do at this point – I knew I had connected the GPS cable correctly, and there’s not much else that can go wrong! I nipped back to the laptop to do some research, returned a couple of minutes later none the wiser, but did find that the car had found a couple of satelites. It still thought it was up north though! Still, about five minutes later I was greeted with this display:

Bonus! Lo and behold, the map system is now nice and spangly, with the added bonus of it even knowing where I am!

Nice and smart in the boot too. Overall – *so* much better than before. It is really quick too – maybe I need to do the same in the tractor!

Diane kindly collected the widescreen surround from BMW today for me, so the M5 widescreen installation is now complete. Here’s how it used to look:

And now!

Much better! So this just leaves the small matter of flogging off my old monitor and trying to recover some money from the needless purchase of another TV tuner – see my auctions here and here!

Once I’ve hopefully recovered some funds from that, it’ll be time to look into getting a more modern nav computer. I wonder if anyone can tell me whether this is the way to go about improving the shocking 80s appearance of the OBC menu graphics, or whether that is achieved with a more modern TV tuner, or some other way?

As mentioned, the rather ancient looking radio/monitor in the M5 was bugging me, so I’ve sourced a widescreen. It is from an X5, which means that the contrast isn’t quite right when viewed from an E39 angle, but it is completely usable and when I get time, I plan on following these crazy instructions to sort it out.

So, this is what it used to look like:

And this is what it looks like now:

I’m pleased to note that my TV tuner was able to recognise it and jump straight to a 16:9 ratio. I’m less pleased that I’ve already paid £200 for another tuner because I thought the car’s original wouldn’t be able to do this – I look forward to making a loss on that on eBay soon.

Still, I need to source a surround from BMW to tidy things up, but otherwise this job is done. The next job in this area will be to sort out MkIV DVD navigation.

Since my last post I decided that the M5′s “GALA” system left quite a bit to be desired. The Graduated Audio Level Adjustment is supposed to maintain a consistent audio experience within the car, irrespective of road noise. Sadly, while it is a good idea in theory, it makes quite obvious ham-fisted adjustments to not only overall volume but also tone balance, and as such, I decided I was better off without it. After a bit of internet research, and some valuable input from a forum user, and I managed to turn the GALA sensitivity down so much I no longer notice that it is there. Here’s how:

BMW E39 GALA Adjustment

Turn the radio on – this may work while playing a CD but I did it while listening to an FM station. Hold down the ‘TP’ button for about 8 seconds. The screen should display service mode. Use the < and > buttons to scroll to the ‘GAL’ setting. Then, using the numerical preset buttons, set the GALA sensitivity to the desired level. Once finished, switch the radio off. Done!

I’m also looking in to replacing this 4:3 unit with a 16:9 widescreen like I’ve got in the 330d. I thought I would see just how hard it is to remove the unit, and I was pleased to find it was easy. The trim panels either side can just be pulled off.

Two small screws, one at the top of either side hold the silver face plate on. Once these are out, there’s a lever on both sides that need to be raised, and the facia pops straight off.

Finally, four more screws, and another tweak of the two levers and the whole lot is out.

See – nice and easy! Ideally I’ll be able to collect a second hand unit and test it before paying, so I thought it important to be able to strip the car down quickly. I’m aware that I’ll need to upgrade the TV tuner to have a true 16:9 image, but I’m happy to crawl before I can walk.

I’ve had a good day. Got loads of chores done this morning (like arranging for an estate agent to come and look at the house), and then set about trying to improve the audio in the M5. It has a fairly standard audio setup, with components in the front doors and some additional speakers on the rear shelf, but ultimately while the system is clear, it is gutless. I’ve got some audio equipment lying around that I’ve used in a variety of cars in the past, so I thought I’d attempt to improve the sound quality at zero cost.

First step was to find some audio signal wires. I removed the CD changer and had a good rummage. Speaker wire pairs were easy enough to discover, so I spliced into those and extended my way into the boot. While I was there I also found a wire that hit 12v with the ignition in auxiliary or higher, and 0V when the ignition was off, so that would provide the amplifier’s remote power signal.

The next challenge was to get this signal into my old Goodmans amplifier. It is designed to take both speaker level and line level inputs, but sadly a custom connector is required for the speaker level input. A custom connector I don’t have.

I had a good rummage in my parts bin and found three BMW connector cables that were spares from my DVD player installation in the 330d. Remarkably these fitted the amplifier’s terminals perfectly, but of course I needed four, and could only find three. So I used a crimp connector on the fourth. No cost!

This done I could begin to put everything back together.

I then ran power from the battery, but forgot to photograph matters there. My bad! Finally, I screwed the sub enclosure to the floor and did a bit of cable tidying. It does of course require quite a bit more cable tidying, but those who know me know that’s not especially likely any time soon.

That photo makes it look as though the sub takes up loads of space in the boot – that really isn’t the case at all. It’s not meant to be pretty by the way. The sound though, is extremely good news.

Sure, the E39′s boot does contain the sound well so plenty of beans is required to get much penetration in the cabin, but this does have the benefit that the sound isn’t shared too much with pedestrians, and I’m pleased that the car doesn’t rattle with the kick drum.

By turning down the bass on the head unit and adding some boost on the amplifier in the boot I’ve been able to shape the sound nicely. Without any low frequencies heading their way the components in the front cope nicely at high volume, and the sub neatly rounds off the experience. Nothing stupid, just a well balanced sound.

I’m really, really pleased to be able to sample my favourite tracks while in the M5. I’ve just spent the last 90 minutes pottering around scanning through the CD changer testing the overall balance, and it’s great! I only stopped because I’ve got a meal to go to – Good Friday indeed!

This is the 6th BMW this sub and amp have been in – here are the predecessors:

That’s a pretty fast sub and amp!